I like to joke that these are big 'F's in their conception method. Matthew and Kayla were fresh embryos, Nathan was a frozen embryo, and Baby Struik is a freebie. That's right. Baby Struik didn't cost us a penny to conceive...s/he is 'au naturel'. :)
{And in case you're wondering...I've been typing blog entries all along, I just hadn't published them for everyone to read. If you are interested in reading all of my un-published posts...here they are! Personally, I love having my pregnancy entries - I refer to them each pregnancy WAY more often than any pregnancy guide book, as all of my pregnancies have been very similar symptom-wise, and so it's nice to look back to see what was going on at each stage in my previous pregnancies.}
Thursday, December 11
I can't believe I just took a home pregnancy test...and it says I'm pregnant. It's hard to believe, or maybe I'm just not letting myself believe it. Not for a long time.
I never have predictable cycles. I always write on my calendar when I'm 28 days...but I never truly expect my period until I hit the 32-35 day mark. Last cycle was a 44 day cycle. I was at the doctor's office with Nathan to get his one-year immunizations and I also was going to have a pregnancy test done. Day 44. I go to pee in the cup in the washroom, and I noticed I got my period. What are the chances? Just when I was starting to believe that maybe I was pregnant, I got my period.
This month, when day 42 comes and goes, day 44 comes and goes, day 46 comes and goes...I start to get more hopeful. I took the mindset again that I won't test until I'm at day 50, so I wasn't letting my hopes get up. Day 49 passed, day 50 passed, and then today was day 51. Jon was getting frustrated. I didn't know whether to believe my body's "symptoms" or to deny the fact that I could be pregnant. It's a huge leap of faith taking a pregnancy test...for me, it's acknowledging the fact that there is a chance that I could be pregnant.
Anyways, I was out at Wal-Mart tonight trying to help my Mom finish her Christmas shopping, and decided that I needed to just take a leap of faith and buy a test. I didn't make any promises to anyone as to when I would test...but when I got home and had a full bladder I just couldn't resist. Jon was distracted watching television so I didn't even tell him what I was doing when I went upstairs. He's still watching tv as I type this and I still haven't told him I took it, let alone what the results are. It's just lying on the bathroom counter for him to see right now. I'm always so weird with announcements about my own life like that...I don't like the attention that gets focused on me.
I'm in a bit of a pickle right now. I'd love to tell the world that we actually managed to get pregnant on our own, and actually quite quickly considering the fact that we were trying, but at the same time not trying...the only dilemma is that I just started a new job this week for my brother-in-law, and if we tell our families it would be telling my boss at the same time. I feel bad. Yes, he did mention to me that he didn't care if I got pregnant (that was one of my initial reasons for not applying for the job, I didn't want to leave a family member stranded in having to train a new employee again), but still, it sucks. I'm not sure what to do yet. I also don't want to get too hopeful...I'm only 7 weeks + 2 days so I have a long ways to go before I can be a little less nervous.
Can you believe it? I could have another baby? Could this actually be happening?!?!? I had started to allow myself to be content with just three kids...because that could very well be what God had wanted. Maybe my dream of four kids is God's plan for me....*fingers crossed*.
Friday, December 11
I told Matthew and Kayla this morning that I had a baby in my tummy, "just like Auntie Laura." They didn't really care (which I expected). I wasn't concerned about them telling anybody because we were going to tell our families right away anyways. An hour after I told them, my Mom requested that we wait until we did gift-opening to reveal to my siblings that I was pregnant. Matthew and Kayla didn't say anything all day about the baby, so I assumed that it had just gone over their heads. I was wrong. That evening, my sister Melissa was babysitting Matthew, Kayla, and Nathan while Jon and I were at a friend's Christmas party. They were playing with a doll, and Kayla stated, that "My Mommy has a baby in her tummy and it is a girl baby." Melissa didn't believe her at all, but did think that it was odd that Kayla was so adamant about it.
Wednesday, December 24 - 9 Weeks (+ 1 Day)
It's almost been two weeks since I tested, and it has surprisingly gone quite fast. Two down, four more to go until the excitement can start. Between weeks 7 and 8 I was quite tired at night, but I was still fighting/getting over a cold so that could have been a lingering symptom from that. I had no symptoms during the day of being pregnant, but as soon as I sat down on the couch once the kids were in bed each evening then I would start to 'feel' my uterus and get light contractions. All a good thing. Once I hit 8.5 weeks then those nightly contractions have subsided and now I only get the occasional cramp during the day. If it weren't for those, I would question whether or not I was actually pregnant! I had my blood work completed for Dr. Shah on Thursday, December 18 and have booked an ultrasound appointment for the earliest they could fit me in: January 9. That ultrasound will be huge because it will be a good indication of how this pregnancy is going. A heartbeat means good. Please, please, let there be a heartbeat.
Saturday, January 3
Kayla: "Mom, does it hurt when Jesus takes the baby out of your tummy?"
Laura: "Yes, a little."
Kayla: "How does he take it out?"
Laura: "He has a special way."
Kayla: "Can I watch?"
Laura: "No, you will be at Grandma's house and Mommy will be at the hospital."
Kayla: "Will you tell us when the baby is born?"
Laura: "You bet! Daddy will call Grandma and you can come right away."
Wednesday, January 6 - 11 Weeks (+ 1 Day)
The past two weeks have been rather uneventful - which is a good thing. The only symptom I had up until a few days ago was feeling 'off' at night. It was an unsure mixture of feeling hungry and queasy at the same time. Nothing that any one else would notice, I don't think, but enough that I would. It's bitter-sweet that the feeling has subsided because now I'm left almost symptom-less. I get the occasional cramp, to which I shout "yes!" in my head. This is a pretty pivotal week for me, as this is the week in which I miscarried my other natural pregnancy. If I can get to 11 weeks + 4 days I will breathe a sigh of relief. I have my first ultrasound on Friday which is exciting, but nerve wracking at the same time. I still haven't been able to allow myself to get excited about or think too far in the future about this pregnancy because I'm not convinced that God would allow this to be this normal. Every other pregnancy has been unique in its own sense, which has all worked out wonderfully and when you look back, makes perfect sense why God made it that way...so I'm not convinced that this one would be okay being normal. I think I'm doing a decent job at just trusting God's will for this pregnancy, knowing that he knows best. He's proven himself with the last three pregnancies, so this shouldn't be any different. Right?
Friday, January 8 - Ultrasound #1
I was so nervous for this ultrasound. This was the ultrasound I never made with my miscarriage - I had to call and cancel it. My heart was just pounding as I laid on the bed, waiting for the ultrasound technician to find the baby and start measuring. She asked me a few questions, such as, "So you've had a miscarriage before?" (it stated that on my requisition for) and, "If this is your fourth pregnancy then you have two kids at home already?" and "Are you having an early ultrasound because you have irregular cycles?" I explained that yes, my cycles are super-predictable, but the reason for the ultrasound was to give me peace-of-mind. She right away quelled all fears and told me that Baby Struik was waving away like crazy to her. I could have cried in joy. Baby Struik was saying, "Hi, Mommy. Don't worry anymore. I'm okay." So comforting. I was so much more relaxed for the rest of the appointment. She said that Baby Struik looks good. S/he has two arms and two legs, has a heart rate in the 130s, and is super active. When she showed me, it was true. Baby Struik was kicking and waving like crazy. S/he even was trying to flip over, which was causing his/her heart rate to jump to the 160s.
Friday, December 11
I told Matthew and Kayla this morning that I had a baby in my tummy, "just like Auntie Laura." They didn't really care (which I expected). I wasn't concerned about them telling anybody because we were going to tell our families right away anyways. An hour after I told them, my Mom requested that we wait until we did gift-opening to reveal to my siblings that I was pregnant. Matthew and Kayla didn't say anything all day about the baby, so I assumed that it had just gone over their heads. I was wrong. That evening, my sister Melissa was babysitting Matthew, Kayla, and Nathan while Jon and I were at a friend's Christmas party. They were playing with a doll, and Kayla stated, that "My Mommy has a baby in her tummy and it is a girl baby." Melissa didn't believe her at all, but did think that it was odd that Kayla was so adamant about it.
Wednesday, December 24 - 9 Weeks (+ 1 Day)
It's almost been two weeks since I tested, and it has surprisingly gone quite fast. Two down, four more to go until the excitement can start. Between weeks 7 and 8 I was quite tired at night, but I was still fighting/getting over a cold so that could have been a lingering symptom from that. I had no symptoms during the day of being pregnant, but as soon as I sat down on the couch once the kids were in bed each evening then I would start to 'feel' my uterus and get light contractions. All a good thing. Once I hit 8.5 weeks then those nightly contractions have subsided and now I only get the occasional cramp during the day. If it weren't for those, I would question whether or not I was actually pregnant! I had my blood work completed for Dr. Shah on Thursday, December 18 and have booked an ultrasound appointment for the earliest they could fit me in: January 9. That ultrasound will be huge because it will be a good indication of how this pregnancy is going. A heartbeat means good. Please, please, let there be a heartbeat.
Saturday, January 3
Kayla: "Mom, does it hurt when Jesus takes the baby out of your tummy?"
Laura: "Yes, a little."
Kayla: "How does he take it out?"
Laura: "He has a special way."
Kayla: "Can I watch?"
Laura: "No, you will be at Grandma's house and Mommy will be at the hospital."
Kayla: "Will you tell us when the baby is born?"
Laura: "You bet! Daddy will call Grandma and you can come right away."
Wednesday, January 6 - 11 Weeks (+ 1 Day)
The past two weeks have been rather uneventful - which is a good thing. The only symptom I had up until a few days ago was feeling 'off' at night. It was an unsure mixture of feeling hungry and queasy at the same time. Nothing that any one else would notice, I don't think, but enough that I would. It's bitter-sweet that the feeling has subsided because now I'm left almost symptom-less. I get the occasional cramp, to which I shout "yes!" in my head. This is a pretty pivotal week for me, as this is the week in which I miscarried my other natural pregnancy. If I can get to 11 weeks + 4 days I will breathe a sigh of relief. I have my first ultrasound on Friday which is exciting, but nerve wracking at the same time. I still haven't been able to allow myself to get excited about or think too far in the future about this pregnancy because I'm not convinced that God would allow this to be this normal. Every other pregnancy has been unique in its own sense, which has all worked out wonderfully and when you look back, makes perfect sense why God made it that way...so I'm not convinced that this one would be okay being normal. I think I'm doing a decent job at just trusting God's will for this pregnancy, knowing that he knows best. He's proven himself with the last three pregnancies, so this shouldn't be any different. Right?
Friday, January 8 - Ultrasound #1
I was so nervous for this ultrasound. This was the ultrasound I never made with my miscarriage - I had to call and cancel it. My heart was just pounding as I laid on the bed, waiting for the ultrasound technician to find the baby and start measuring. She asked me a few questions, such as, "So you've had a miscarriage before?" (it stated that on my requisition for) and, "If this is your fourth pregnancy then you have two kids at home already?" and "Are you having an early ultrasound because you have irregular cycles?" I explained that yes, my cycles are super-predictable, but the reason for the ultrasound was to give me peace-of-mind. She right away quelled all fears and told me that Baby Struik was waving away like crazy to her. I could have cried in joy. Baby Struik was saying, "Hi, Mommy. Don't worry anymore. I'm okay." So comforting. I was so much more relaxed for the rest of the appointment. She said that Baby Struik looks good. S/he has two arms and two legs, has a heart rate in the 130s, and is super active. When she showed me, it was true. Baby Struik was kicking and waving like crazy. S/he even was trying to flip over, which was causing his/her heart rate to jump to the 160s.
Congratulations!! What an amazing gift for your family!
ReplyDeleteWe are SO excited for you and Jon!! And please don't feel bad about the job...we always hoped for you guys that there would be a fourth baby!!
ReplyDelete